Peace.
Calm.
Quietness of Spirit.
Relationship.
God's Presence.
As a mom of itty bittys, I find myself wondering at times if these words and phrases will ever become a reality in my life again. Some of this I can just attribute to spending most of my days at home with a 1 year old and a 4 year old. Most of it, however, has to do with my sin nature and struggles.
I am a worrier and easily given over to anxiety.
I am also very task-driven.
God is using my husband and my children, specifically this "stay-at-home"chapter of my life to teach me how to be more like Him. I want to be more peaceful, more calm, more quiet, more relational, and most importantly, to feel God's presence and nearness even in the most hectic of times.
Slowly and steadily He's teaching me how.
I know I'm not alone. There are lots of you moms out there who love yourfamilies with every beat of your heart but are oftentimes bound by that "Martha", task-oriented, anxious heart.
Today, I would like to share how God's been teaching me to break free. I'm no pro at this yet, but I'd love to at least open up some dialouge about it.
So, here are some, hopefully, helpful and encouraging thoughts:
1.) Make a list (easy for task lovers) and switch gears when needed. Lots of times, when I don't make a list and just start my day, the many tasks I feel I need to accomplish get larger and larger and the weight of them turns very unrealistic very quickly. Then, if I get stuck on something, I feel like I'm drowning deeper and deeper into the sea of "too much to do".
On the other hand, if I stop, look at a premade list, and switch gears to something else for awhile, I feel so much more accomplished and centered when I come back to the original task that I knock it out fairly quickly! Oh, and don't forget to always add "snuggle, play a game, and read with the babies" on that list. There are also times a list brings about the realization that only a couple or none of the "to-dos" HAVE to get done today. Every once in awhile, fight against those desires to "get ahead" and just spend the entire day lovin' your family. :)
2.) Make your quiet time with Jesus your first morning priority. Yes, exercise and a quick shower are also helpful in the morning, but there's something about that time with Jesus first thing that reminds you of who's really in control. Besides, you exercise enough chasing your kids and showers are overrated when you're cuddling poop and booger machines all day. :) (I just read this tip to Cohen and he agrees:))
3.) Don't let the evil one cause the "advice" of other women to bring you guilt and despair.
God bless 'em, they mean well, but the fact of the matter is that any good mother who is in the trenches alongside you is going to either give you a hug or just whisper a gentle, "I know, sweetie, I know."
It is those sweet, well-meaning women who either do not have their own children or who are in that "in-between" stage of having teenage/adult kids and no grandkids ( How many times have I heard, "It goes by so fast.. my baby is twenty-_".). Somehow, they only remember the "good things" about having a toddler and love to tell us that we should be enjoying every moment.
Or what kind of foods we should be forcing our kids to eat.
Or what should be in their sippy cup.
Or how to make them sleep better.
Or that sending them outside in short sleeves in 60 degree weather will give them pneumonia.
Or that hugging them too much will cause them to stay babies forever.
Or that not hugging them enough will make them juvenile delinquents.
I can remember being at one of our nephews' ball games when my oldest was barely a year old. It was HOT and my son is a sweatER. I had no other choice but to strip him down to his diaper, pour water over his head, and let him play in the mud puddles. (Totally against my rule followin' nature.) I looked at my mother-in-law and said, "Before I had a child of my own, I would've thought someone who did this to their kid in a public place had mental issues". She just smiled as if she was clearly rejoicing in the fact that God had changed my heart. :)
I can also attest to the fact that selective memory is a real thing. After all, if I remembered the misery of my pregnancy sickness with Cohen, we would've never had El. :)
Those seasoned mothers who tell you to enjoy every moment are filled with their own remorse that they didn't, but you won't either. Why? Because we're human. We're made of sinful flesh and blood. Do you enjoy all of your time with any human being? Your husband? Your parents? Your best friend? No. We're never satisfied. We're not perfect.
Enjoy your kids as much as you can and let Jesus give you grace for the rest.
Having said that,
4.) Be thankful as much as you can. When it's just a conversation between you and God, thank him for the crayon-stains on the wood floor, the pee puddles in the bathroom, and the dirty dishes piled high. Thank him for moldable hearts and minds that will absolutely adore you for such a short time. Thank Him for the good moments and the bad. Thank Him for the very things society tells us we should whine about. This one has been huge in changing my perspective. Gratitude is not easy, especially when your nature is to complain, but it absolutely changes your heart.
5.) Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Talk to someone when you feel the weight bearing down. Jesus is the place to start, but if you can't shake it, if the day's just too rough, maybe He wants to bless someone with the joy of helping you.. Let them. Call your husband, your mom, your dad, your neighbor, your best friend. Your kids' lives will not fall apart if you're asleep or in a bath for a period of time. When I learned to truly believe my husband when he said, "Crystal, I want to make dinner," "I want you to lay down", "I want to take the kids out for ice cream", it changed my life forever. When I truly realized that I wasn't the only one that should be desiring time with my kids and that they could bless others with their presence, their questions, their giggles, and their snuggles, it brought great freedom.
6.) Accept professional counseling and medication when needed. Sometimes, especially for an anxious person, in traumatic or life changing situations, counseling and meds are a great help. At times, they're needed for simple day-to-day survival. God gave doctors wisdom for a reason. Although I know longer counsel or take meds, I've been there and it's still always open for discussion in our home. Prayerfully consider it, especially if you feel like you've tried everything else and there is still a feeling of hopelessness.
Lastly, and most importantly...
7.) Give your kids- and yourself-the Gospel daily. Yes, you need to discipline your kids. Maybe, though, on the days you find yourself handing out timeouts and spankings like they're candy, you need a little timeout as well. :) Be open with your kids. Let them know that you sin right alongside them. YOU make mistakes, YOU fail, YOU say hurtful things all the time. Apologize and talk to them age-appropriately about your own sin and watch the cycle of guilt and anxiety disapper. Make it known, of course, that you are in charge,and are responsible to hand out consequences for their sin. But don't ever let them, or yourself, believe the lie that you do, or should, have it all together. Confessing that you "make bad choices" (as the Fulmers call it :)) only shines more light on the saving grace of Jesus. It takes the weight of "saving" your children off your shoulders, and places it on His... where it should've been all along.
I hope these thoughts have helped you as much as they have me. God has used many different resources and people in my life to help me with my struggle and I felt compelled to share His grace in my life.
One day, I'll be a completely calm, peaceful, relational mommy... or maybe.... grandmommy. ;) Until then, I'll keep leaning on Jesus and trust that He is sovereign and His timing is perfect. May you do the same.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
The Fear of Extremism
What a crazy few weeks in our country!
Gun Control...
Louie Giglio's rejection/self-removal from the inaugural benediction...
Pat Robertson... well... being himself....
Again, my facebook addiction has given me such an interesting perspective on the lens' through which others see..
I've said on here before that I believe that fear is the driving force that causes those who are called to trust in Christ to become panicky, frayed, and down-right mean... especially when it comes to the societal, religious, and financial conflicts in our nation. And fear is not from God unless it is of Him.
However, I am struggling with a fear right now. The fear is that we are becoming a society of extremists. THIS is horrifying to me because it will leave those of us who still cling to logic and trust as the minority.
Let me use the "Louie Giglio" situation as an example. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll explain in a bit. :)
Roughly four decades to a half century ago, our nation was rapidly changing. Things that were once "hidden in a closet" were being talked about and explored openly. I believe that this has actually led to a lot of good and it was the will of God, but some Church leaders responded to this societal change negatively. (This made sense given the fact that much of this exploration and exposure included acceptance of behaviors and lifestyles that were once widely known as sinful.) I believe these leaders' intentions were good, but their methodology was completely flawed. These leaders lashed out at the homosexual community especially and truly succeeded in separating Christians from "sinners", as if there was really any difference.
Because of these extreme actions, those in the liberal, secular, and/or homosexual community who were also extremists and highly opinionated lashed out, and this ping-pong match, in my opinion, has been back and forth ever since.
Fast forward to 2013. Pastor Louie Giglio, a man who has worked closely with the President on social justice issues and has never given this gal any reason to believe that he lives for anything other than Christ (yes, I'm a fan) is asked to give the prayer at his inauguration. However, a 15 year-old sermon is found of his that had to do with the "sin of homosexuality" and he immediately becomes a target. He chose to peacefully decline the request to pray at this event; the White House happily accepted his self-removal and immediately apologized to the public for their poor choice in pastor.
Huh????
Okay... so... if I believe that spanking my child is beneficial and my neighbor believes that spanking is flat out wrong, can we not be friends??
Well, that depends. Are we going to be that immature or are we going to say, "Look, we definitely disagree on this issue, but our kids love each other and we also have a lot in common, so let's build a relationship on those things and take the spanking card off the conversation table." ?
I don't understand. When did Pastor Giglio's stance on homosexuality have anything to do with the proactive things he's done, such as his efforts toward ending human sex-trafficking? Did anybody really think his prayer was going to include anything pertaining to a message he preached 15 years ago?
See, here's the problem with extremism and the way our country is going... on both ends. We, especially our youth, are being led to believe that one fraction of a person or issue defines their/its whole.
I, for example, am a very anxious person. Not everyone understands anxiety. If someone gets to know me, it may very well annoy them how often I let my anxieties dominate my life. My own husband gets very frustrated with this component of who I am. Yet, he loves me? Why? Well, aside from the fact that I am trying (as pitifully as it may seem at times) to follow Jesus and that He alone gives my husband the love to love me (of which he beautifully recieves), I am a good mother to his children, I am compassionate, and he enjoys conversing with and bouncing ideas off of me. We have a wonderful friendship and unity. He does not see me as "my anxious wife, Crystal". He sees me as well.. me. Wife, mother, teacher, housekeeper, cook, youth leader, partner, etc....
Now, I am a Christian, so my husband and others hold me to the idea that I must always be working to trust Christ and shed my anxiety, because it is, in fact, sinful to worry. But even so, they take care to approach this with love and compassion because they know it's not a choice, but a struggle that at times breaks me.
However, if I were not a Christian, it would be hard convincing me that I was "sinning" because I would simply be going with my feelings, i.e, I FEEL like being anxious, therefore I should be.
We can parallel this with just about any sinful behavior (sexual immorality, drunkenness, slander, etc.)
By the same token, secular society needs to accept the fact that although the majority of evangelical Christians disagree with them on issues such as homosexuality, abortion, welfare, etc., this does not mean we have nothing to offer or to stand on together.
I am not worried about the "left" or "right" taking over. I'm struggling not to worry about anything, but I do...
I worry that my children, as Christ-followers, are going to feel the need to "pick a side"when the world is simply not black and white.
"The older I get, the grayer things become."..... I've heard my husband and a half dozen church leaders speak this truth.
I agree with the Church at large when it comes to homosexuality and many other social issues. I do not believe any sex outside of a marriage between a man and woman fits into God's design, but I don't plan to stand on a platform, political or otherwise, to stop it.
I am only just beginning to understand the complexity of human and cultural sexuality and what role genetics, environment, etc. play into the equation. I cannot begin to understand the pain, heartache, and despair that one struggling through sexual confusion feels.
I also cannot comprehend what a non-Christian who is sifting through their struggles without Jesus hears when one of us DOES choose to stand on a anti-sin-based platform, having no (and not being given any) background of the love of Christ.
Like Giglio, I desire to live a Christ-like existence. I will certainly give my opinion from a Biblical perspective when asked, but life is too short for an agenda. When pushed, I want to be able to say my piece, and then humble myself, step down off my podium, and get back to loving, serving, and praying for others.
As I've heard many wise say, "The Church should be known by what it's for, not what it's against."
The Holy Spirit led me today to Luke 14:7-33. I think Jesus gives us a little picture here of what we should be for. I especially love verse 11: "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
As you go throughout your journey and your seasons, I hope you will join the ever-increasing minority. May we never be afraid to speak our Biblical opinion (because we are called to be bold), but may our ultimate goal be to see each individual and human being with their flaws AND strengths, through the eyes of Jesus. If we don't, the gospel will never be communicated and all our words will be meaningless.
Gun Control...
Louie Giglio's rejection/self-removal from the inaugural benediction...
Pat Robertson... well... being himself....
Again, my facebook addiction has given me such an interesting perspective on the lens' through which others see..
I've said on here before that I believe that fear is the driving force that causes those who are called to trust in Christ to become panicky, frayed, and down-right mean... especially when it comes to the societal, religious, and financial conflicts in our nation. And fear is not from God unless it is of Him.
However, I am struggling with a fear right now. The fear is that we are becoming a society of extremists. THIS is horrifying to me because it will leave those of us who still cling to logic and trust as the minority.
Let me use the "Louie Giglio" situation as an example. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll explain in a bit. :)
Roughly four decades to a half century ago, our nation was rapidly changing. Things that were once "hidden in a closet" were being talked about and explored openly. I believe that this has actually led to a lot of good and it was the will of God, but some Church leaders responded to this societal change negatively. (This made sense given the fact that much of this exploration and exposure included acceptance of behaviors and lifestyles that were once widely known as sinful.) I believe these leaders' intentions were good, but their methodology was completely flawed. These leaders lashed out at the homosexual community especially and truly succeeded in separating Christians from "sinners", as if there was really any difference.
Because of these extreme actions, those in the liberal, secular, and/or homosexual community who were also extremists and highly opinionated lashed out, and this ping-pong match, in my opinion, has been back and forth ever since.
Fast forward to 2013. Pastor Louie Giglio, a man who has worked closely with the President on social justice issues and has never given this gal any reason to believe that he lives for anything other than Christ (yes, I'm a fan) is asked to give the prayer at his inauguration. However, a 15 year-old sermon is found of his that had to do with the "sin of homosexuality" and he immediately becomes a target. He chose to peacefully decline the request to pray at this event; the White House happily accepted his self-removal and immediately apologized to the public for their poor choice in pastor.
Huh????
Okay... so... if I believe that spanking my child is beneficial and my neighbor believes that spanking is flat out wrong, can we not be friends??
Well, that depends. Are we going to be that immature or are we going to say, "Look, we definitely disagree on this issue, but our kids love each other and we also have a lot in common, so let's build a relationship on those things and take the spanking card off the conversation table." ?
I don't understand. When did Pastor Giglio's stance on homosexuality have anything to do with the proactive things he's done, such as his efforts toward ending human sex-trafficking? Did anybody really think his prayer was going to include anything pertaining to a message he preached 15 years ago?
See, here's the problem with extremism and the way our country is going... on both ends. We, especially our youth, are being led to believe that one fraction of a person or issue defines their/its whole.
I, for example, am a very anxious person. Not everyone understands anxiety. If someone gets to know me, it may very well annoy them how often I let my anxieties dominate my life. My own husband gets very frustrated with this component of who I am. Yet, he loves me? Why? Well, aside from the fact that I am trying (as pitifully as it may seem at times) to follow Jesus and that He alone gives my husband the love to love me (of which he beautifully recieves), I am a good mother to his children, I am compassionate, and he enjoys conversing with and bouncing ideas off of me. We have a wonderful friendship and unity. He does not see me as "my anxious wife, Crystal". He sees me as well.. me. Wife, mother, teacher, housekeeper, cook, youth leader, partner, etc....
Now, I am a Christian, so my husband and others hold me to the idea that I must always be working to trust Christ and shed my anxiety, because it is, in fact, sinful to worry. But even so, they take care to approach this with love and compassion because they know it's not a choice, but a struggle that at times breaks me.
However, if I were not a Christian, it would be hard convincing me that I was "sinning" because I would simply be going with my feelings, i.e, I FEEL like being anxious, therefore I should be.
We can parallel this with just about any sinful behavior (sexual immorality, drunkenness, slander, etc.)
By the same token, secular society needs to accept the fact that although the majority of evangelical Christians disagree with them on issues such as homosexuality, abortion, welfare, etc., this does not mean we have nothing to offer or to stand on together.
I am not worried about the "left" or "right" taking over. I'm struggling not to worry about anything, but I do...
I worry that my children, as Christ-followers, are going to feel the need to "pick a side"when the world is simply not black and white.
"The older I get, the grayer things become."..... I've heard my husband and a half dozen church leaders speak this truth.
I agree with the Church at large when it comes to homosexuality and many other social issues. I do not believe any sex outside of a marriage between a man and woman fits into God's design, but I don't plan to stand on a platform, political or otherwise, to stop it.
I am only just beginning to understand the complexity of human and cultural sexuality and what role genetics, environment, etc. play into the equation. I cannot begin to understand the pain, heartache, and despair that one struggling through sexual confusion feels.
I also cannot comprehend what a non-Christian who is sifting through their struggles without Jesus hears when one of us DOES choose to stand on a anti-sin-based platform, having no (and not being given any) background of the love of Christ.
Like Giglio, I desire to live a Christ-like existence. I will certainly give my opinion from a Biblical perspective when asked, but life is too short for an agenda. When pushed, I want to be able to say my piece, and then humble myself, step down off my podium, and get back to loving, serving, and praying for others.
As I've heard many wise say, "The Church should be known by what it's for, not what it's against."
The Holy Spirit led me today to Luke 14:7-33. I think Jesus gives us a little picture here of what we should be for. I especially love verse 11: "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
As you go throughout your journey and your seasons, I hope you will join the ever-increasing minority. May we never be afraid to speak our Biblical opinion (because we are called to be bold), but may our ultimate goal be to see each individual and human being with their flaws AND strengths, through the eyes of Jesus. If we don't, the gospel will never be communicated and all our words will be meaningless.
Monday, December 17, 2012
My response to Mike Huckabee, facebook, and the CT shooting
I am mother.
I am a teacher.
I am a Christian.
My heart has broken over the Connecticut shooting.
I had the privilege of substitute teaching in a local elementary school yesterday and watching the response of teachers and administrators... Christian and non-Christian alike, reassure these children that they love them and would absolutely do anything, including risking their own life, to keep them safe.
Because I was a floater for meetings yesterday, I had a lot of free time and was able to spend some time in the teacher's lounge. I was able to hear special ed teachers discuss some of the heartbreaking cases of violent, handicapped, mentally ill children who could also be terribly sweet and the nightmare that their parents, GOOD parents had to go through.
It even brought back to mind a bright, adorable little kindergarten girl I had in class a few years ago that would fly into violent rages against me and her classmates and the sweet Christian principal who was doing all she could to help this child.
I also had the privilege yesterday of being invited into a conversation by a little 2nd grade girl about what I thought about Jesus that had absolutely nothing to do with Connecticut and was not spurred on at all by me. But, I had the chance, for 30 seconds, to let her know, that yes, I did, in fact, personally, love Jesus very much.
I've heard Mike Huckabee's thoughts and others that have similar, and for the most part, I do agree.
I think there is a ridiculous irony between banning prayer in school but it being our "go to" first in times of tragedy. I think as a society, and even as individuals, Christian or not, we all have a huge problem with "using God" when he's convenient. Kind of points to the depravity of all our souls.. not just one group or sect.
The part that I must disagree with, however, (and I've heard it everywhere on facebook) is that we have some kind of power to "escort God" out of any place.
It is only by God's choosing that He steps back and allows us to take prayer out of school.
It is only by God's choosing that He allows babies to be aborted.
It is only by God's choosing that He allowed the tragedy in Connecticut.
It is only by God's GRACE and choosing that an elementary school in Indiana and a high school in Oklahoma were not attacked as well.. I've read news reports that people were arrested for plotting attacks in these places on the same Friday...
Oh, boy is He in our schools, and oh boy, does He hold back a lot of evil.
Sin is everywhere. It is rampant, and man does have free will. I don't know why God chooses to stop it sometimes and other times, he doesn't. BUT, I can tell you this. NOTHING happens unless God allows it and unless a higher purpose, a deeper meaning, a light pointing back to Him, results.
I just have to ask this question. Could it be possible that prayer in school and a moralistic society back 50 to 100 years ago is what made so many carnal Christians? After all, moralism was all around us. Everyone went to church. Prayer was in school. If there was sin, it was often covered up, and not spoken about.
Could we entertain the thought, for just a moment, that it is part of God's divine plan that we Christians feel a little "uncomfortable", "pressured", "backed into a corner"? After all, in other countries, when Christ is "banned", a passion and a fervor fills the church, and people remember the truth of who Jesus is all over again.
I think, that in these times to come, the true Christian will stand out.
The true Christian will be the one offering help to the mother of the mentally ill boy in her daughter's class of whom all the other parents and children are afraid.
The true Christian will be offering the pregnant teen a place to stay as she wrestles with her future.
The true Christian will bring her husband/his wife alongside him/her and befriend the couple who is so desperately struggling in their marriage or maybe (gasp, dare I say it) the homosexual couple on their street.
The true Christian teacher will be ready with a response when a curious elementary student asks about who this Jesus guy really is.
This is just speculation.. but I just wonder 75 years ago.. how many of those real, raw vulnerable questions were being asked in classrooms? How many children just assumed Jesus because we were comfortable in our faith.
My heart, again, breaks for those parents and families in Connecticut. I, in my human mind, cannot rationalize a reason big enough for God's allowance of this. I can sympathize with parents' anger and bitterness and all the grief.
However, He knows why this happened, and His glory will shine. Mike Huckabee was dead on when he talked about Obama's speech and the hugs and love of the community. That's Jesus. He's showing up. As Christians (I ,being just as guilty as anyone), we need to as well.
I am a teacher.
I am a Christian.
My heart has broken over the Connecticut shooting.
I had the privilege of substitute teaching in a local elementary school yesterday and watching the response of teachers and administrators... Christian and non-Christian alike, reassure these children that they love them and would absolutely do anything, including risking their own life, to keep them safe.
Because I was a floater for meetings yesterday, I had a lot of free time and was able to spend some time in the teacher's lounge. I was able to hear special ed teachers discuss some of the heartbreaking cases of violent, handicapped, mentally ill children who could also be terribly sweet and the nightmare that their parents, GOOD parents had to go through.
It even brought back to mind a bright, adorable little kindergarten girl I had in class a few years ago that would fly into violent rages against me and her classmates and the sweet Christian principal who was doing all she could to help this child.
I also had the privilege yesterday of being invited into a conversation by a little 2nd grade girl about what I thought about Jesus that had absolutely nothing to do with Connecticut and was not spurred on at all by me. But, I had the chance, for 30 seconds, to let her know, that yes, I did, in fact, personally, love Jesus very much.
I've heard Mike Huckabee's thoughts and others that have similar, and for the most part, I do agree.
I think there is a ridiculous irony between banning prayer in school but it being our "go to" first in times of tragedy. I think as a society, and even as individuals, Christian or not, we all have a huge problem with "using God" when he's convenient. Kind of points to the depravity of all our souls.. not just one group or sect.
The part that I must disagree with, however, (and I've heard it everywhere on facebook) is that we have some kind of power to "escort God" out of any place.
It is only by God's choosing that He steps back and allows us to take prayer out of school.
It is only by God's choosing that He allows babies to be aborted.
It is only by God's choosing that He allowed the tragedy in Connecticut.
It is only by God's GRACE and choosing that an elementary school in Indiana and a high school in Oklahoma were not attacked as well.. I've read news reports that people were arrested for plotting attacks in these places on the same Friday...
Oh, boy is He in our schools, and oh boy, does He hold back a lot of evil.
Sin is everywhere. It is rampant, and man does have free will. I don't know why God chooses to stop it sometimes and other times, he doesn't. BUT, I can tell you this. NOTHING happens unless God allows it and unless a higher purpose, a deeper meaning, a light pointing back to Him, results.
I just have to ask this question. Could it be possible that prayer in school and a moralistic society back 50 to 100 years ago is what made so many carnal Christians? After all, moralism was all around us. Everyone went to church. Prayer was in school. If there was sin, it was often covered up, and not spoken about.
Could we entertain the thought, for just a moment, that it is part of God's divine plan that we Christians feel a little "uncomfortable", "pressured", "backed into a corner"? After all, in other countries, when Christ is "banned", a passion and a fervor fills the church, and people remember the truth of who Jesus is all over again.
I think, that in these times to come, the true Christian will stand out.
The true Christian will be the one offering help to the mother of the mentally ill boy in her daughter's class of whom all the other parents and children are afraid.
The true Christian will be offering the pregnant teen a place to stay as she wrestles with her future.
The true Christian will bring her husband/his wife alongside him/her and befriend the couple who is so desperately struggling in their marriage or maybe (gasp, dare I say it) the homosexual couple on their street.
The true Christian teacher will be ready with a response when a curious elementary student asks about who this Jesus guy really is.
This is just speculation.. but I just wonder 75 years ago.. how many of those real, raw vulnerable questions were being asked in classrooms? How many children just assumed Jesus because we were comfortable in our faith.
My heart, again, breaks for those parents and families in Connecticut. I, in my human mind, cannot rationalize a reason big enough for God's allowance of this. I can sympathize with parents' anger and bitterness and all the grief.
However, He knows why this happened, and His glory will shine. Mike Huckabee was dead on when he talked about Obama's speech and the hugs and love of the community. That's Jesus. He's showing up. As Christians (I ,being just as guilty as anyone), we need to as well.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
American Idol Worship - Not What You Think. :)
This past Wednesday night, after putting the kids to bed, my husband and I begrudgingly settled into the Presidential Debate, neither of us being huge fans of the political world at large. We don't have cable right now, so it was basically our only choice of T.V. viewing.
With my mind half in twitter/facebook land and half in the debate, I began to become intrigued by what I saw on the screen and disgusted by what I saw on my computer.
On my television, I saw 2 well-educated, cordial men in a spirited debate about policy.. something I'm pretty sure our country hasn't seen in awhile. They were courteous, yet firm with one another and I quite enjoyed it, even though I admittedly didn't understand half of what they were talking about. There's nothing quite like two men disagreeing like gentlemen. It's quite an art and I'm fond of it. Now, there was obviously a clear winner (cough*, Romney*), but both men conducted themselves well.
My computer screen was a different story; Friends, people I knew well, all ages, CHRISTIANS being anything but kind, courteous, and Christlike... and as usual, I became very irritated and have spent the last close to 24 hours trying to figure out why. (My poor husband.)
I finally found the answer, but it first needs a disclaimer. Some of you know that I get very passionate about what I write. And 99% of the time, what I write about is either a) What God is teaching or has taught me about any number of things or b) The Church's role in society. The bottom line is, however, that ultimately, I get passionate, because God is discipling me and teaching me. He's not going to give me a Word for others without giving me a "spiritual spanking" first.
Now, here it is:
Am I worshipping something or someone more than I worship God? Do I have an idol? If so, how is it not only effecting my relationship with my Jesus, but with others around me?
I have a confession. My idol is not politics. I'm more along the lines of husband, children, chocolate, and people pleasing.
However, the same theory applies and I'd like to speak to 2 things that I think we should remember during this election season as we go all crazy over our two "American Idol" presidential candidates.
1.) These two men are REAL,LIVE, FLESH-AND-BLOOD people. They need Jesus like the rest of us. He created them. I'm not sure that either has Him. As Christ-followers, our ultimate desire should be that these men repent and come to a greater knowledge of him, not for "the sake of our country", but for the sake of their souls and God's glory. How are we to marry praying for their souls with slinging mud at them?
Now, you may argue that when these men chose to run for president, this is what they signed up for. Of course. Disagreement with policy. Dissatisfaction with with the way things are being run.
Not personal attacks from people who claim Jesus Christ.
Sometimes we forget that Obama is a father and Romney a grandfather of impressionable children. I can't imagine being Michelle Obama and trying to shelter my children from the mean words hissed about their father by none other than those who call themselves Christians. The same goes in the opposite direction. As much as my babies love their Daddy, Papa, and Grandad, I think it would be mortifying for them to hear such harsh things. These men may have chosen their career paths, but the children didn't have a choice in it, and we need to keep that in mind... spoken like a true mom, right? ;)
2.) These men are JUST people. Amen? I love 1st and 2nd Kings because it reminds us that when the people ask for a king, some of them do what is right in there own eyes, some do what's right in God's eyes, but NONE of them can consistently, completely, wholeheartedly take care of the people the way a Sovereign King Jesus can. Yeah, I get chill bumps just thinking about it.
Ryan and I were discussing this morning how we desire a change in presidents because we are concerned about the huge deficit and how it will effect our children. But the bottom line is this. No matter what happens, the U.S. president is not the Author of Salvation, Lifegiver, or Wonderful Counselor. He is a president who will reign for 4-8 years and eventually return to the dust like the rest of us. Why turn my face to him? Why lean on him? Why tremble in fear and anger at the thought of him getting re-elected? I know the KING OF THE UNIVERSE! Obama and Romney have no desire to have a personal relationship with me; they just want my vote. On the flip side, the King of Kings desires an intimate walk with lil' ol' me. He wants me to sit at his feet and know all my thoughts, and he's not feeding me a line! My friend and Savior Jesus knows the end of the story, and know matter what comes to pass in the lives of me, my children, my grandchildren, and on down the line, He'll be there. That's all I need to know.
So, back to the point before I start (or maybe finish) preaching :). We really should enjoy our chocolate, our spouses, our children, our presidential debates, and our ball games. But, Church, let's keep things in perspective. Worshipping/Obsessing over these things not only leads to trying to fill a Jesus void with something earthly, but it also leads us to bitterness toward those enjoyable things he has placed in our lives because they will never live up to our heavenly cravings. It will cause us to say mean things, and let's face it, look pretty darn ugly to an already skeptical world.
With my mind half in twitter/facebook land and half in the debate, I began to become intrigued by what I saw on the screen and disgusted by what I saw on my computer.
On my television, I saw 2 well-educated, cordial men in a spirited debate about policy.. something I'm pretty sure our country hasn't seen in awhile. They were courteous, yet firm with one another and I quite enjoyed it, even though I admittedly didn't understand half of what they were talking about. There's nothing quite like two men disagreeing like gentlemen. It's quite an art and I'm fond of it. Now, there was obviously a clear winner (cough*, Romney*), but both men conducted themselves well.
My computer screen was a different story; Friends, people I knew well, all ages, CHRISTIANS being anything but kind, courteous, and Christlike... and as usual, I became very irritated and have spent the last close to 24 hours trying to figure out why. (My poor husband.)
I finally found the answer, but it first needs a disclaimer. Some of you know that I get very passionate about what I write. And 99% of the time, what I write about is either a) What God is teaching or has taught me about any number of things or b) The Church's role in society. The bottom line is, however, that ultimately, I get passionate, because God is discipling me and teaching me. He's not going to give me a Word for others without giving me a "spiritual spanking" first.
Now, here it is:
Am I worshipping something or someone more than I worship God? Do I have an idol? If so, how is it not only effecting my relationship with my Jesus, but with others around me?
I have a confession. My idol is not politics. I'm more along the lines of husband, children, chocolate, and people pleasing.
However, the same theory applies and I'd like to speak to 2 things that I think we should remember during this election season as we go all crazy over our two "American Idol" presidential candidates.
1.) These two men are REAL,LIVE, FLESH-AND-BLOOD people. They need Jesus like the rest of us. He created them. I'm not sure that either has Him. As Christ-followers, our ultimate desire should be that these men repent and come to a greater knowledge of him, not for "the sake of our country", but for the sake of their souls and God's glory. How are we to marry praying for their souls with slinging mud at them?
Now, you may argue that when these men chose to run for president, this is what they signed up for. Of course. Disagreement with policy. Dissatisfaction with with the way things are being run.
Not personal attacks from people who claim Jesus Christ.
Sometimes we forget that Obama is a father and Romney a grandfather of impressionable children. I can't imagine being Michelle Obama and trying to shelter my children from the mean words hissed about their father by none other than those who call themselves Christians. The same goes in the opposite direction. As much as my babies love their Daddy, Papa, and Grandad, I think it would be mortifying for them to hear such harsh things. These men may have chosen their career paths, but the children didn't have a choice in it, and we need to keep that in mind... spoken like a true mom, right? ;)
2.) These men are JUST people. Amen? I love 1st and 2nd Kings because it reminds us that when the people ask for a king, some of them do what is right in there own eyes, some do what's right in God's eyes, but NONE of them can consistently, completely, wholeheartedly take care of the people the way a Sovereign King Jesus can. Yeah, I get chill bumps just thinking about it.
Ryan and I were discussing this morning how we desire a change in presidents because we are concerned about the huge deficit and how it will effect our children. But the bottom line is this. No matter what happens, the U.S. president is not the Author of Salvation, Lifegiver, or Wonderful Counselor. He is a president who will reign for 4-8 years and eventually return to the dust like the rest of us. Why turn my face to him? Why lean on him? Why tremble in fear and anger at the thought of him getting re-elected? I know the KING OF THE UNIVERSE! Obama and Romney have no desire to have a personal relationship with me; they just want my vote. On the flip side, the King of Kings desires an intimate walk with lil' ol' me. He wants me to sit at his feet and know all my thoughts, and he's not feeding me a line! My friend and Savior Jesus knows the end of the story, and know matter what comes to pass in the lives of me, my children, my grandchildren, and on down the line, He'll be there. That's all I need to know.
So, back to the point before I start (or maybe finish) preaching :). We really should enjoy our chocolate, our spouses, our children, our presidential debates, and our ball games. But, Church, let's keep things in perspective. Worshipping/Obsessing over these things not only leads to trying to fill a Jesus void with something earthly, but it also leads us to bitterness toward those enjoyable things he has placed in our lives because they will never live up to our heavenly cravings. It will cause us to say mean things, and let's face it, look pretty darn ugly to an already skeptical world.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Gratitude
As I write this, we are driving back from Johnson University in Knoxville, TN (our alma mater). We took our Discipleship team from the Student Ministry at Gateway and had a blast! We got a tour of the facilities yesterday and I was in awe of all the changes that had taken place!
One thing that I was glad stayed the same, however, was the flag display. There is a building on campus that has an open staircase that displays all the flags of all the nations from where students come or where alumni are currently living and spreading the Gospel. It's really, really cool.
Later in the evening, we walked/drove around the old city, UT campus, and Market Square. We saw a lot of fun, "cultural" sights, but we also saw a lot of pain, brokeness, and sin on the streets. It took me back to my college days when God used us to minister to the homeless, broken, and lost of this beautiful city. I thought about how blessed I was to have been a part of that and how Christ used that to send me to places like Puerto Rico and Romania and witness the oppression and sin in those places and His redeeming grace and love for the nations.
I then started to think about all the changes in my life since I left JU, the good and the bad, and how blessed my husband and I have been in the last 6 months by our new home church, Gateway.
Just about a month or so ago I had the absolute privilege of participating in a clothing drive that took place in our sanctuary where the homeless and the downtrodden were able to come and grab what they needed for themselves and their families. One woman shared that she was not only looking for clothes for her 3 children, but for the 3 others she watched daily. I had to hold tears back as I watched young mommies not running to the shoes to find a cute pair for themselves, but filling up garbage bags filled with items for their babies.
In a couple Sundays from now, after church, Gateway will be splitting up into teams and going to local public elementary schools to serve in various ways to bring a positive start to the new school year.
At the same time, Gateway pastors are not afraid to be very tough and honest with those in the church who already claim to have a relationship with Jesus, speaking with tough love on issues other churches would not touch. They are not afraid of who they might offend or who may not come back.
They just love Jesus and want to be obedient to Him.
Beautiful. Beautiful the Bride of Christ and grateful I am to stand with it as broken and pitiful as I can be.
Whether it be JU or Gateway or some of the other amazing places we've ministered or attended over the years, my heart overflows with gratitude toward those brothers and sisters who have amazing perspective and who demonstrate Christ's marvelous love.
These people are too busy loving their community for politics, legalism, or even free speech. As the media distracts and divides so many, there are multitudes that keep pushing the hype aside and chasing after their dashing Groom and the people for which His heart breaks.
Thank you, Church, for letting Jesus flow through your hearts like fine wine. Thank you for edifying, disciplining, and training your own and for simply loving those who are still of the world.
We are broken, but we are blessed.....,
And I am grateful.
One thing that I was glad stayed the same, however, was the flag display. There is a building on campus that has an open staircase that displays all the flags of all the nations from where students come or where alumni are currently living and spreading the Gospel. It's really, really cool.
Later in the evening, we walked/drove around the old city, UT campus, and Market Square. We saw a lot of fun, "cultural" sights, but we also saw a lot of pain, brokeness, and sin on the streets. It took me back to my college days when God used us to minister to the homeless, broken, and lost of this beautiful city. I thought about how blessed I was to have been a part of that and how Christ used that to send me to places like Puerto Rico and Romania and witness the oppression and sin in those places and His redeeming grace and love for the nations.
I then started to think about all the changes in my life since I left JU, the good and the bad, and how blessed my husband and I have been in the last 6 months by our new home church, Gateway.
Just about a month or so ago I had the absolute privilege of participating in a clothing drive that took place in our sanctuary where the homeless and the downtrodden were able to come and grab what they needed for themselves and their families. One woman shared that she was not only looking for clothes for her 3 children, but for the 3 others she watched daily. I had to hold tears back as I watched young mommies not running to the shoes to find a cute pair for themselves, but filling up garbage bags filled with items for their babies.
In a couple Sundays from now, after church, Gateway will be splitting up into teams and going to local public elementary schools to serve in various ways to bring a positive start to the new school year.
At the same time, Gateway pastors are not afraid to be very tough and honest with those in the church who already claim to have a relationship with Jesus, speaking with tough love on issues other churches would not touch. They are not afraid of who they might offend or who may not come back.
They just love Jesus and want to be obedient to Him.
Beautiful. Beautiful the Bride of Christ and grateful I am to stand with it as broken and pitiful as I can be.
Whether it be JU or Gateway or some of the other amazing places we've ministered or attended over the years, my heart overflows with gratitude toward those brothers and sisters who have amazing perspective and who demonstrate Christ's marvelous love.
These people are too busy loving their community for politics, legalism, or even free speech. As the media distracts and divides so many, there are multitudes that keep pushing the hype aside and chasing after their dashing Groom and the people for which His heart breaks.
Thank you, Church, for letting Jesus flow through your hearts like fine wine. Thank you for edifying, disciplining, and training your own and for simply loving those who are still of the world.
We are broken, but we are blessed.....,
And I am grateful.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
The "What If" game
So, many of you know, most of you do not, that after my miscarriage in 2007, I was specifically diagnosed with something loosely termed as "Medical O.C.D".
It's fairly new and is sort of like hypochondria, but it's been amped up due to the fact that medical information of all kinds is at the lay person's fingertips via the internet.
Exactly a month after I miscarried, I started to experience many physical symptoms of clinical depression... numb and tingling limbs, stiff joints, overall achiness, fatigue, etc. I would look up these symptoms and found a bunch of diseases that convinced me I was dying.
We finally found an amazing Christian counselor who walked me through the beginning of the healing process. It was no secret that I was already prone to anxiety and panic as these things had shown themselves in my life prior to this recent trigger. She did many amazing exercises with me, the greatest being prayer, and I still go back to her techniques frequently 5 years later.
There was one, however, that has stuck out in my mind these past few weeks in hearing about the Chick-Fil-A debate, the Colorado shootings, and listening to my husband and our senior pastor preach on how we deal with storms in our lives.
It was called... The "What If" game.
It would go something like this....
"OK, Crystal, what if that bruise on your leg came out of nowhere?"
"Then I might go to the doctor and find out I have cancer?"
"Ok.. what if you have cancer?"
"Then people will feel sorry for me and I might die."
"Ok... what if people feel sorry for you make you feel uncomfortable, and then you die?"
"Then I'll go to heaven and be with...oh."
"Let's change it up a bit. What if you live?"
"Then people will stop feeling sorry for me and rejoice that I am healed."
What a revelation.
Now.. let me say this. This was a time in my life where I was still very self focused and this game didn't mean a lot to me for any extended period of time.
By the time I wrapped things up with this counselor, I was 9 months pregnant with my son and still battled for the next 2 1/2 years as strongly as I had from day one. This is so sad because the reality is that I don't remember Cohen's first 2 years of life very well at all. The disease, the sin was rabid and Satan was winning. I was complacent, in denial, and selfish.
Then one day, as my husband's theology changed, God used him to lead me into the most brilliant, beautiful shalom (peace) I have ever experienced.
It's not about me. It's not about my plans. It's not about my life. It's not about my death. It's not about my money.
It's all about Him. To God be the glory.
All the pressure was gone. The book tells us... He wins. I don't need to conjure up that faith, He gives it to me as a gift.
So, let's play that "What if" game again, shall we??...
What if I get cancer?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if my kids never accept Christ in my home?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if we don't have money?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if America becomes a communist country?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if a man comes into a theater and shoots people?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if I can no longer attend Church in the United States?
He still wins. To God be the glory.
Now, you know I'm not trying to trivialize any of this. Pain is pain and we would be in denial not to walk through it when it comes our way.
But... can I suggest that we spend a lot of time worrying and protesting and growing sick over things that haven't even happened yet?
The first two years of his life, I could've been enjoying my firstborn child, but I wasn't... I was worrying that his fontanelle was too big and that he was spitting up too much and that he was autistic..
Seriously, I was.
I am still selfish, I am still self-focused, I am still half-crazy, but I have stepped a couple inches further toward His grace.. and that has made all the difference.
Enjoy the life God gives you today. Yes, in a few years, homosexuals may be allowed to get married, and our freedom of speech as Christians may get stomped on, teen pregnancy may be on the rise, and the anti-Christ may reign supreme, BUT God will still be good.
The even better part... we don't have to fight against culture or even our own bodies to earn His love.. we can just accept it and then be it. We can spend our time kissing our babies, putting our arms around the brokenhearted and downtrodden, having loving conversations with people who completely disagree with everything we say and go to bed at night filled. with. joy.
His freedom can be found in any country and in any circumstance. Beautiful, huh?
It's fairly new and is sort of like hypochondria, but it's been amped up due to the fact that medical information of all kinds is at the lay person's fingertips via the internet.
Exactly a month after I miscarried, I started to experience many physical symptoms of clinical depression... numb and tingling limbs, stiff joints, overall achiness, fatigue, etc. I would look up these symptoms and found a bunch of diseases that convinced me I was dying.
We finally found an amazing Christian counselor who walked me through the beginning of the healing process. It was no secret that I was already prone to anxiety and panic as these things had shown themselves in my life prior to this recent trigger. She did many amazing exercises with me, the greatest being prayer, and I still go back to her techniques frequently 5 years later.
There was one, however, that has stuck out in my mind these past few weeks in hearing about the Chick-Fil-A debate, the Colorado shootings, and listening to my husband and our senior pastor preach on how we deal with storms in our lives.
It was called... The "What If" game.
It would go something like this....
"OK, Crystal, what if that bruise on your leg came out of nowhere?"
"Then I might go to the doctor and find out I have cancer?"
"Ok.. what if you have cancer?"
"Then people will feel sorry for me and I might die."
"Ok... what if people feel sorry for you make you feel uncomfortable, and then you die?"
"Then I'll go to heaven and be with...oh."
"Let's change it up a bit. What if you live?"
"Then people will stop feeling sorry for me and rejoice that I am healed."
What a revelation.
Now.. let me say this. This was a time in my life where I was still very self focused and this game didn't mean a lot to me for any extended period of time.
By the time I wrapped things up with this counselor, I was 9 months pregnant with my son and still battled for the next 2 1/2 years as strongly as I had from day one. This is so sad because the reality is that I don't remember Cohen's first 2 years of life very well at all. The disease, the sin was rabid and Satan was winning. I was complacent, in denial, and selfish.
Then one day, as my husband's theology changed, God used him to lead me into the most brilliant, beautiful shalom (peace) I have ever experienced.
It's not about me. It's not about my plans. It's not about my life. It's not about my death. It's not about my money.
It's all about Him. To God be the glory.
All the pressure was gone. The book tells us... He wins. I don't need to conjure up that faith, He gives it to me as a gift.
So, let's play that "What if" game again, shall we??...
What if I get cancer?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if my kids never accept Christ in my home?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if we don't have money?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if America becomes a communist country?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if a man comes into a theater and shoots people?
He wins. To God be the glory.
What if I can no longer attend Church in the United States?
He still wins. To God be the glory.
Now, you know I'm not trying to trivialize any of this. Pain is pain and we would be in denial not to walk through it when it comes our way.
But... can I suggest that we spend a lot of time worrying and protesting and growing sick over things that haven't even happened yet?
The first two years of his life, I could've been enjoying my firstborn child, but I wasn't... I was worrying that his fontanelle was too big and that he was spitting up too much and that he was autistic..
Seriously, I was.
I am still selfish, I am still self-focused, I am still half-crazy, but I have stepped a couple inches further toward His grace.. and that has made all the difference.
Enjoy the life God gives you today. Yes, in a few years, homosexuals may be allowed to get married, and our freedom of speech as Christians may get stomped on, teen pregnancy may be on the rise, and the anti-Christ may reign supreme, BUT God will still be good.
The even better part... we don't have to fight against culture or even our own bodies to earn His love.. we can just accept it and then be it. We can spend our time kissing our babies, putting our arms around the brokenhearted and downtrodden, having loving conversations with people who completely disagree with everything we say and go to bed at night filled. with. joy.
His freedom can be found in any country and in any circumstance. Beautiful, huh?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Defining Attachment Parenting
So, this morning, after another rough night with my 7 month old, I was watching Good Morning America. They were doing a piece with Mayim Bialik (star of the 90's tv show, "Blossom"). She was discussing her implementation of "attachment parenting".
She talked about how she and her husband stayed home for each of her children's first 40 days of life and how she basically lived on the couch with the newborn for that time period. She said that she allowed each of her children to nurse until they were "done" (her 3 1/2 year old is just now finishing). She also discussed how she was a huge proponent of co-sleeping.
After the piece was done, this strange conflict of emotions came over me. Overall, however, I was left feeling like a bad mother.
I started to really weigh through my thoughts and feelings and came to the same conclusion that I have come to several times when it comes to the topic of parenting/mothering....
We are WAY to hard on ourselves... and each other.
I'll share a snippet of my story to better explain what I mean....
With both of my children, I had every intention of being the most loving, caring, close mother possible, even though I probably didn't have the full scope in my head of what that meant, especially with my first.
I nursed both my babies from the start, though my second was much easier. However, by the middle of the second month, once my milk started to even out, both children seemed to really struggle with nursing no matter what I did.( I feel that it might have a little to do with the unattached tongue they inherited from their father since Ella had a rough time with the bottle as well and neither of them took to a pacifier). Also, I am a task-oriented, "scheduled" personality and if I'm to be honest, struggled with the unpredictability of their feedings, especially when I went back to work.
Because of the fact that I wanted them to get the best start possible, I pumped for weeks after I stopped nursing. I can still remember, however, with both babies, the tearful moment that I gave in and decided I had to give them the bottle for everyone's sanity. My husband, on both occasions, lovingly consoled me and reminded me that I was a wonderful mother whether I nursed or stuck a bottle of FDA approved formula in their mouth.
Even now, I am terribly jealous of mothers who seem to just ease into nursing and whose babies take to it so well. I find myself (unnecessarily) feeling like a horrible mother because I couldn't continue to nurse... and it doesn't stop there....
Once he was put on the bottle around 6 weeks, my 3 year old became a DREAM baby. We let him cry it out a couple times around that same age in the night, and he took to it well. It wasn't long before we would lay him down in his crib and he would drift off.
I joke and tell people I didn't know what it was like to have an infant until Ella came along...
Seven months after her entrance into the world, she is still a mess; a lovable, cute one... but a mess, none the less. It bothers me to lay her down and let her cry, but I'm scared to death that I'm spoiling her when I rock her all the time. I hear different critical voices in my head no matter what decision I make, and I just keep trying to do what I think is best for her.
I am one that requires a certain amount of sleep, and there are many nights, when she is crying for no apparent reason at 1 a.m., that I cannot find any kind, motherly, compassionate emotion in my being.... I just find myself crying along with her....
Then, the next morning, the guilt comes.. Why can't I be patient with her? Why can't I stop having anxious thoughts? Why can't i just appreciate her for who she is?
Then, that night, the cycle starts all over.
I love her so much and she's so precious, but she's a different animal from her brother, and she is as Dr. Sears has coined, a "high needs baby".
Ryan and I had to leave her at my parents' house the weekend we interviewed at Gateway, and I again felt guilty, not just for leaving her, but for feeling "free" from her. Wasn't I supposed to desire her every moment? Aren't I supposed to feel lost and disoriented without her? Isn't that how good mothers feel?
I may be wrong, but I don't think I'm alone in these feelings. I know that many mothers are more confident than I'll ever be and rarely care what others think or do, but I know that there are others of you who are with me.....
At the end of the day, however, I think of the term "attachment parenting" and how those who came up with the term defined it. Then, I simply think of those two words and why I believe our family fits the literal definition.
My children are loved. I stay at home with them now and they have been with me 24 hours a day (with few exceptions) since we started our houseparenting job when Cohen was 10 months old. I spend 85-90% of my day in communication with them. Whether we're in the car, at home, or in the grocery store, we are talking to each other and are in constant physical contact. When they fall and hurt themselves, they are always scooped up and loved on (although sometimes it is by daddy or nana or papa). I do encourage both of them to go to and love on others because I want them to be outgoing, bold, and to trust and love people, but I'm always there when they just need their mommy... .. same rings true with their daddy.
I am blessed to have a husband and to be able to stay at home. There are so many mothers who don't have the luxury of staying home with their sweet babies, and thousands more who don't even have a partner to support them. Even so, these mothers love their little ones more than words can say.
I know that in the "perfect" world, where I was rich, my husband and I had no pressing responsibilities, and we could hire other people to take care of our home, I could have dozens of children, nurse them, love on them, snuggle with them, 24/7.
The idea of attachment parenting, as touched on by Bialik, is that human beings learn to parent as all other mammals do. That's awesome in theory.... but human parents have homes, jobs, responsibilities other than their babies despite the fact that obviously, family comes first.
I completely agree with nursing, cuddling, even co-sleeping if one feels it's right for them, but you can only do what you can do. Period.
Mothers need to hear this. We HAVE to stop judging each other and being so hard on ourselves...
So many debates:
Breastfeeding v. bottle feeding, natural birth vs. hospital, immunizations: necessary or dangerous?, crib sleeping or co-sleeping, cuddle at every cry vs. CIO (cry-it-out), home school vs. private school vs. public school ...............
and you know what? NOT ONE OF THESE ARE A WRONG WAY TO DO IT!!!!!!!
Cohen came at a time in my life where I was slowly coming out of a depression. To my own sadness, he has seen me upset and stressed at different times. He has already moved a couple of times in his young life and spent around 10 nights with his grandparents without his mom and dad. Yet, he loves me and I love him. We laugh, snuggle, and enjoy each other's company on a daily basis.
Just remember, if you truly love your children, you're doing just fine.
Gotta go... baby's crying. ;)
She talked about how she and her husband stayed home for each of her children's first 40 days of life and how she basically lived on the couch with the newborn for that time period. She said that she allowed each of her children to nurse until they were "done" (her 3 1/2 year old is just now finishing). She also discussed how she was a huge proponent of co-sleeping.
After the piece was done, this strange conflict of emotions came over me. Overall, however, I was left feeling like a bad mother.
I started to really weigh through my thoughts and feelings and came to the same conclusion that I have come to several times when it comes to the topic of parenting/mothering....
We are WAY to hard on ourselves... and each other.
I'll share a snippet of my story to better explain what I mean....
With both of my children, I had every intention of being the most loving, caring, close mother possible, even though I probably didn't have the full scope in my head of what that meant, especially with my first.
I nursed both my babies from the start, though my second was much easier. However, by the middle of the second month, once my milk started to even out, both children seemed to really struggle with nursing no matter what I did.( I feel that it might have a little to do with the unattached tongue they inherited from their father since Ella had a rough time with the bottle as well and neither of them took to a pacifier). Also, I am a task-oriented, "scheduled" personality and if I'm to be honest, struggled with the unpredictability of their feedings, especially when I went back to work.
Because of the fact that I wanted them to get the best start possible, I pumped for weeks after I stopped nursing. I can still remember, however, with both babies, the tearful moment that I gave in and decided I had to give them the bottle for everyone's sanity. My husband, on both occasions, lovingly consoled me and reminded me that I was a wonderful mother whether I nursed or stuck a bottle of FDA approved formula in their mouth.
Even now, I am terribly jealous of mothers who seem to just ease into nursing and whose babies take to it so well. I find myself (unnecessarily) feeling like a horrible mother because I couldn't continue to nurse... and it doesn't stop there....
Once he was put on the bottle around 6 weeks, my 3 year old became a DREAM baby. We let him cry it out a couple times around that same age in the night, and he took to it well. It wasn't long before we would lay him down in his crib and he would drift off.
I joke and tell people I didn't know what it was like to have an infant until Ella came along...
Seven months after her entrance into the world, she is still a mess; a lovable, cute one... but a mess, none the less. It bothers me to lay her down and let her cry, but I'm scared to death that I'm spoiling her when I rock her all the time. I hear different critical voices in my head no matter what decision I make, and I just keep trying to do what I think is best for her.
I am one that requires a certain amount of sleep, and there are many nights, when she is crying for no apparent reason at 1 a.m., that I cannot find any kind, motherly, compassionate emotion in my being.... I just find myself crying along with her....
Then, the next morning, the guilt comes.. Why can't I be patient with her? Why can't I stop having anxious thoughts? Why can't i just appreciate her for who she is?
Then, that night, the cycle starts all over.
I love her so much and she's so precious, but she's a different animal from her brother, and she is as Dr. Sears has coined, a "high needs baby".
Ryan and I had to leave her at my parents' house the weekend we interviewed at Gateway, and I again felt guilty, not just for leaving her, but for feeling "free" from her. Wasn't I supposed to desire her every moment? Aren't I supposed to feel lost and disoriented without her? Isn't that how good mothers feel?
I may be wrong, but I don't think I'm alone in these feelings. I know that many mothers are more confident than I'll ever be and rarely care what others think or do, but I know that there are others of you who are with me.....
At the end of the day, however, I think of the term "attachment parenting" and how those who came up with the term defined it. Then, I simply think of those two words and why I believe our family fits the literal definition.
My children are loved. I stay at home with them now and they have been with me 24 hours a day (with few exceptions) since we started our houseparenting job when Cohen was 10 months old. I spend 85-90% of my day in communication with them. Whether we're in the car, at home, or in the grocery store, we are talking to each other and are in constant physical contact. When they fall and hurt themselves, they are always scooped up and loved on (although sometimes it is by daddy or nana or papa). I do encourage both of them to go to and love on others because I want them to be outgoing, bold, and to trust and love people, but I'm always there when they just need their mommy... .. same rings true with their daddy.
I am blessed to have a husband and to be able to stay at home. There are so many mothers who don't have the luxury of staying home with their sweet babies, and thousands more who don't even have a partner to support them. Even so, these mothers love their little ones more than words can say.
I know that in the "perfect" world, where I was rich, my husband and I had no pressing responsibilities, and we could hire other people to take care of our home, I could have dozens of children, nurse them, love on them, snuggle with them, 24/7.
The idea of attachment parenting, as touched on by Bialik, is that human beings learn to parent as all other mammals do. That's awesome in theory.... but human parents have homes, jobs, responsibilities other than their babies despite the fact that obviously, family comes first.
I completely agree with nursing, cuddling, even co-sleeping if one feels it's right for them, but you can only do what you can do. Period.
Mothers need to hear this. We HAVE to stop judging each other and being so hard on ourselves...
So many debates:
Breastfeeding v. bottle feeding, natural birth vs. hospital, immunizations: necessary or dangerous?, crib sleeping or co-sleeping, cuddle at every cry vs. CIO (cry-it-out), home school vs. private school vs. public school ...............
and you know what? NOT ONE OF THESE ARE A WRONG WAY TO DO IT!!!!!!!
Cohen came at a time in my life where I was slowly coming out of a depression. To my own sadness, he has seen me upset and stressed at different times. He has already moved a couple of times in his young life and spent around 10 nights with his grandparents without his mom and dad. Yet, he loves me and I love him. We laugh, snuggle, and enjoy each other's company on a daily basis.
Just remember, if you truly love your children, you're doing just fine.
Gotta go... baby's crying. ;)
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